I'm so lost

I don't even know where to begin. At the beginning you say? Fine, except I really don't know where that is. My weight is such an issue. I'm depressed and loathe seeing myself in the mirror or, god-forbid, a photograph. I feel....desperate...lost...confused. I have tried so many things over the years and the only one to give me the best success was eating low carb. See, my struggle with weight is much like an alcoholic's struggle with the bottle. I can say this because my mother is an alcoholic and I've witnessed first-hand her battle to quit harming herself with booze. It's tough and, while I do not drink, I do eat. My self-medication is food and I will use it and abuse it like nobody's business. Now though, I'm actually afraid. I'm afraid that my health is going to get to a place of no return and I will die at an early age. It would be devastating for my boys to lose their mother so now is the time for me to get my shit together. Even though Thanksgiving, with all it's glorious, carb-laden side dishes is right around the corner I have to do something. Even though Christmas, with it's stocking's full of chocolate bounty, is only a short time away, I have to do something. I am unable to do a modified portion size lifestyle. That just doesn't work for me. I have to go back to doing low carb.

This time, low carb eating is going to be different. I'm going to do it differently in the respect that I'm not going to eat a bunch of fake foods to replace the ones I'm omitting. I will only use artificial sweetners in my tea or in a sauce if need be and I'm not going to eat a bunch of candy full of sugar alcohols. Believe me when I say this alone will make my family happy. My low carb days were some of the gassiest in history, all because of sugar alcohols. TMI. Sorry.

I will continue to document my journey and hope you will continue to join me. This site is about food and eating, too, and even though I'm cutting out flour-based meals and desserts, I'm still going to get my delicious grub on.

Now, I'm off to make up a meal plan for the upcoming week. I have roasted red pepper soup on my mind and may have to whip up a batch!!!